he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
