I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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