everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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