I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
