So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
