Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
