I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
