shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
