I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
