I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
