so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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