Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
