he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
