Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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