its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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