I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
