fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
