took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
