Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
