It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We need a shit load of segways right now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
