I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
