The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
