mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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