Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you win again, gameday.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
