Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
