I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
