i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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