I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
