hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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