I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
