she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
