apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
