Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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