yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
