Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
