Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
