When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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