My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
