I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
