Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
