Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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