M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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