Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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