I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
