Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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