Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
