my sisters under your porch take her home
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
