she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
