I'm lost and stupid without you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
