I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
