STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
