you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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