Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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