White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize