I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
