cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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