My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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