I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
