you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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