i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
