Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
