I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
