Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
