It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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