Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
