i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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