he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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