5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
