I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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