I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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