How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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