You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
