i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
not ubering you a puppy
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
