thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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