plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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