just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
