So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize