i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
