You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
